As I lay in bed, wrapped in my coverlet, I beckoned sleep to take me to that temporary death, but thoughts raged through my mind. The one that troubled me the most was about expectations. After many pleas for my eyes to close, but with no success, I picked up my laptop to pen down these thoughts. It’s not fine-tuned, as I’m writing this at 12:30 am, letting my thoughts flow freely.
There will always be people, or at least one person, who feel I don’t measure up to their expectations. It’s also possible that I’ve set certain standards that exclude others from my reach.
Will I ever feel like I’m enough?
Sometimes I ask myself, will I ever feel like I’m enough? Honestly, probably not, because there will always be someone whose expectations I can’t meet, no matter how hard I try. But that doesn’t mean they’re bad or wrong—it’s just the way life goes. Lately, I’ve been learning that finding peace and truly loving yourself is a journey. I’ve also had to learn that rejection is a part of life, and how I deal with it is entirely up to me. I am learning that I won’t always be accepted, and I won’t always receive the emotions I seek from others. You’d think I’d know this already, being a thought leader, coach, and therapist, but that’s the thing—I’m human, with feelings, and I have the same anatomy and physiology as anyone else. I know we tend to offer hope when people come to us for advice, but we also understand that it’s not as simple as it’s sometimes made out to be. It takes real effort.
When I hear about people who choose to end their lives, I sometimes wonder if they felt like they had escaped, leaving the rest of us to continue struggling. It’s a selfish thought, but aren’t we all selfish at times? It wasn’t until I found myself on the brink of considering that option that I understood the ‘selfish thought’ as a means of escape. They weren’t selfish—they simply wanted a way out, and that seemed like the only option.
Recently, I heard a story of a man who stood by the rails of a bridge, gazing into the waters as though he expected a fish to leap out for him to catch. The person telling the story had been jogging along the path and noticed the man but didn’t think it was his place to interfere in the man’s ‘thoughtful mission’. However, a few metres further, it struck him that the man hadn’t moved, which made him curious. He returned to ask why the man was standing there alone at 8 pm. The man hissed, opened the bag he was carrying, and emptied its contents into the river—those contents were weapons, which he had planned to use to escape from whatever was choking him.
I’ve observed that everyone seems to want something from you—your time, attention, love, money, support, empathy, prayers—the list is endless. Whether it’s family expecting you to be available, friends seeking emotional support, work demanding more of your energy, or society pressuring you to meet certain standards, the expectations never stop. It can be overwhelming because, no matter how much you give, there’s always something more someone will want. And regardless of your efforts, people still judge. You could pour your heart into helping others, offering your time, love, or resources, but if there’s even a small part of you that can’t give more, that’s what people will often focus on.
It’s frustrating because, despite giving so much of yourselves—maybe 90%—it’s that 10% you didn’t manage that gets highlighted. The worst part is that the 10% you fell short on becomes the subject of conversation and the reason you get criticised. That’s just human nature. People tend to see what’s missing rather than appreciating what’s already there. The story of Adam and Eve is the perfect example. They had everything in the Garden of Eden, but their focus shifted to the one thing they couldn’t have. It wasn’t about the abundance they enjoyed; it was about that single forbidden fruit. In the same way, people may overlook all the good you bring into their lives and fixate on the small part where you fall short. It makes you feel like you’re constantly in a losing battle, trying to meet impossible expectations.
No one truly wins, because life has an end.
In the end, it’s not about whether I win the battle, but how I fought it and how much joy I found along the way. No one truly wins, because life has an end. Just the desire to channel my energy more strategically and purposefully is a cause for celebration. Most people live on autopilot, letting the world dictate how they use their power. Cheers to me for reclaiming mine—I hope you reclaim yours too. I hope I keep searching for what makes my life meaningful, and that I find it. May God guide my steps if they’re right, and lead me away if they’re not, even if I don’t realise it at the time.