Do you deserve the love you get?
Perhaps we don't get the love we deserve
Dear Reader,
The last time you read from me was exactly a month ago. In my last piece, I asked you a question: Will You Ever Be Enough? I am curious to know if you have had time to ruminate over that question and found answers for yourself either from within or from your environment.
In this edition, I will be writing tiny bits of everything that has happened in the last month and of course, questions are involved. Ride with me.
Recently, I asked some questions on my WhatsApp status, which generated some conversations from my status viewers. I admit these questions are intriguing.
The above questions popped up in my head as I was scrolling through my mind and thinking of how I hear stories of people who want to be loved by people but don’t get it. Some responses I got:
Someone decided to take me on a journey of love:
As I read all the responses, I concluded that the love we deserve often aligns with our deepest needs and values, but not everyone we encounter can meet us there.
Sometimes, the love we yearn for externally is a call to cultivate it within ourselves. By practising self-love(valuing, nurturing, and caring for yourself in a way that acknowledges your worth and honours your needs, emotions, and boundaries), surrounding ourselves with those who appreciate and respect us, and nurturing connections that bring out our best selves, we can create a fulfilling life even if certain forms of love elude us.
It’s also important to remember that life is fluid. While some relationships might fall short, others—unexpectedly—might surpass what we ever imagined possible. Love can surprise you, often when you're least looking for it.
My thoughts around: What if the love you deserve is the one you constantly get rejected for? It's important to recognize that rejection doesn't diminish your value or make you unworthy of love. Instead, it can offer growth, self-discovery, and realignment opportunities. It’s okay to grieve this love that gets rejected and while it’s tempting to fixate on the love you’re not receiving, remember that true love cannot be forced or won over. It’s a meeting of hearts that happens naturally and mutually. The love you truly deserve may arrive when you least expect it, often through avenues you hadn't considered. Keep hope alive—it’s worth it.
Rejection doesn’t define your worth and you must ask yourself if the love you’re pursuing aligns with your deepest needs or if it’s tied to an idealized vision.
Again, what if the love you deserve isn’t the one that is served you by the one who claimed to love you?
In my final analysis, when we the love you deserve isn’t what is offered to you by someone who claims to love you, you have to learn to walk away. This is only possible though if you know the love being served you isn’t what you deserve. It can create confusion, frustration, and heartache. This situation often calls for honest introspection, open communication, and sometimes tough decisions to protect your emotional well-being.
I have a mantra that I tell friends and clients:
You are the first and most important person in any relationship hence guard yourself until you get to safety.
I have some steps to take when you find yourself in this tough situation:
Define the Love You Deserve: what are your core needs and would that love meet them?
Assess the Imbalance: identify in specific ways the love is misaligned. Let it be clear to you.
Communicate(not grumble) Your Needs: Be clear in your expression of what love means to you and how they might be met
Discern Intent vs. Ability: sometimes people genuinely love us but don’t know how to express it in a way that resonates.
Assess The Impact: ask yourself how much of an impact this experience is to you. What is it taking away from you?
Hug Self-Worth: In all you do, ensure you don’t lose yourself. Don’t stay out of fear of being alone.
Embrace the idea of Letting Go: This is a last resort and perhaps one that no one wants to think of but you have to think of the possibilities at some point. It gives you self-preservation and honour.
Appreciate That Love Has Diverse Aspects: remind yourself that love isn’t about feelings alone; actions, commitment and mutual growth are key to the show of love.
As we approach the holidays, it is important to pay attention to your emotions. There will be laughter and there will be tears(no, I am not cursing you), the distance between you and your loved one might creep in to make you feel lonely. Remember, self-sufficiency can keep you going.
If you ever want to let it out, do not hesitate to reach out.