How to Deal with Silence at the End of a Breakup

When the other person goes for no-contact, but you wanted a last word.

The aftermath of a breakup is a tough time. Emotions are running high. Pain and doubt mix in with a little regret to form a dangerous combination that can easily tilt you towards anger and resentment. If you’re not careful, you’ll end up in a downward spiral of your own making, drowning in self-pity and despair.

Heartbreak is expected, but a complete meltdown is avoidable — if you put in the work.

Best case scenario, you hurt for a few months and move on. Worst case, you stay stuck in a pit of self-pity and low self-respect indefinitely.

After a breakup, it’s natural to mourn — the relationship you lost, the life you used to live, and the dreams you had for the future. Everyone mourns in a different way. Some people like to talk it out with their former partners until they exhaust the subject, others like to keep their distance, and enjoy the opportunity to reflect in quiet solitude. But what happens when you want to talk things out, but the other person has decided to go completely no-contact?

How do you handle the crushing silence of your text messages left on read?

How can you go on when your most burning questions are left unanswered?

How do you get over wanting to talk about what went wrong, but having no one to talk about it with?

Their silence is a message

Sometimes, silence speaks volumes.

You might think their refusal to communicate leaves you in the dark. You might feel that’s particularly cruel when you’d like answers for very specific questions, but the reality is that silence is a message in and on itself.

Their silence communicates their need for space, for privacy, for time alone to process everything that went on between you two.

Their silence communicates they don’t think there’s anything left to talk about, the subject of the two of you as a couple has been exhausted as far as they’re concerned, and you’ll learn no new information from their lips.

If you’re still looking for answers, listen to the message hidden in their silence.

Know That They Owe You Nothing

You might think your former partner owes you a conversation. If not a sit-down, at least a text back, a word to soothe your anxiety, but the reality is they owe you nothing beyond the breakup talk.

The fact that you’re anxious doesn’t mean it’s your former partner’s job to calm you down. They don’t owe you emotional support of any kind beyond everything they poured into the relationship for as long as you were together.

Be Resolute

Stop seeking answers from your former partner, start to look for them within yourself.

That doesn’t mean you should blame yourself for everything, but you should take a careful look at your choices and actions, assess your strengths and your weaknesses and figure out what you can learn from the experience.

You might think you need one last word from them to get closure, but you already have enough elements to find closure on your own, all you have to do is look carefully.

If they refuse to offer you a resolution, create your own. Find your own closure and converge your efforts towards moving on.

Silence at the other end of a breakup is a blessing in disguise

Going no-contact might be exactly what you need, only you don’t have the guts to do it.

Be grateful someone else has the fortitude to do it for you.


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