flip the script: an intriguing approach to the worst Prayer and Loss Clichés
13 things to say to a bereaved person
I was taken home from school one hot June day in 2005, and when I entered the property, I saw a collection of footwear of all lengths and widths. These specific footwears drew my attention not because of their appearance, but because of the amount of footwears at the door post. I entered the house and met the owners of the footwear—some of my uncles and family friends who had presumably come to await the arrival of my sister and I from school. A pastor sat in the chair without moving his head towards me and delivered a statement that has been with me ever since.
After hearing numerous welcoming comments from the other guests, it was time to hear why we needed to be home so close to the third term exams. I was told to take a seat in front of the pastor, with my father alongside him, and he started his short sermon:
" There's a reason you're the firstborn, Toluse. I think God knows you'll be able to handle the trials that will come your way. "Pull out your Bible and..." (I no longer recall the paragraph.) I read the paragraph while waiting for him to finish his message.
" It pleased God to bring your mother home. "The Lord both gives and takes."
I must admit that at that point, I was well and well lost in Wonderland as I fought to comprehend what he had just said.
This specific phrase of the Lord gives and the Lord takes has evolved to be the most terrible remark I believe can be spoken to anybody who is bereaved. I understand that the purpose is either to calm and persuade the individual to accept 'God's will,' or that there is just nothing more to say owing to a lack of information.
This specific phrase of the Lord gives and the Lord takes has evolved to be the most terrible remark I believe can be spoken to anybody who is bereaved.
Another example is when someone says, "I am praying for you." Have you ever pondered whether the person is inclined to prayers or if the person has a particular prayer point?
When it comes to soothing others, not everyone can be a therapist. And, to be honest, many therapists will admit that they don't always get it right. So, how do you know what to say when someone you know has a terrible day — or, in this instance, a loss or tragedy?
Though telling someone you're praying for them may seem like the greatest choice, it may not be enough. Perhaps the person you're trying to console doesn't respond well to prayer. Or maybe you're not inclined to pray at all — and there's nothing wrong with that either. So don't be alarmed. There are plenty alternative methods to provide consolation with fewer words.
In this post, I will flip the prayer loss cliché on its head by sharing with you a variety of things you might say to someone who has suffered a tragedy or loss.
If there is a family member involved
1. "Over the last several weeks, I've been thinking a lot about you and your family. Please let me know how I can assist you all."
When avoiding the topic of "praying" for someone, it's simple to use the term "thinking" if it seems more suitable.
After all, prayer shouldn't be any more difficult than thinking for the well-being of others. You could also want to reach out to your friend's or loved one's relatives, which they would undoubtedly appreciate.
2. "How are you and your family doing along?" "I've been thinking about you guys."
Saying that someone's family has been on your thoughts seems sense if they are grieving a loss or commemorating a loved one's death anniversary.
Of course, asking how they're doing and sincerely wanting to know the response may also say volumes.
3. "I hope I'm not upsetting you by saying this, but I think about you and your family every day." "I really hope you're all doing well."
Telling someone, or more specifically, a group of individuals, that you're thinking about them often and that you hope they're doing well is sufficient. By stating that you wish not to offend them, you open the door for them to be honest with you.
4. "I'm here for you and your family if you need anything at all." It's the least I can do in return for all the times you've been there for me."
It is critical to remind people that you want to be there for them in the same way that they were there for you. Some individuals find it difficult to ask for assistance. However, if you remind them that you are merely repaying the favour, they may find it much simpler to comply.
If it is a loved one
It is crucial to be there for our loved ones, but it is also one of the most challenging tasks we have. At times, you may find it simpler to speak to strangers than it is to talk to close ones. When attempting to console a loved one, it's crucial to show that you're there for him or her and not to overthink the words you use.
5. "I love you, and I've been thinking about how I can assist you get through this." I'm always available to speak with you."
Extending your assistance is often the most effective approach to demonstrate your concern for someone. It's also a good idea to let your loved one know that you're just there to listen. It's a "low-pressure" method to check in and open the door, particularly if you don't see this individual very frequently.
6. "You realise how much you mean to me, don't you?" I'm sorry to see you in pain. "I wish you the best of luck in your search for peace."
It is important to express your wish for your loved one to find peace. After all, peace may seem to be the last thing from their minds. Hearing that someone is thinking of them in this manner communicates the same feeling as prayer without saying anything.
7. "Please let me know if there is anything I can do to make this situation easier." "I mean it when I say I'll do anything."
Again, telling your loved one that you would move heaven and earth for them (if you genuinely mean it) is critical. Don't take your phrase lightly, but also don't overthink it; instead, express what seems appropriate.
8. "I adore you, and you're constantly on my mind — particularly recently."
Focusing on your feelings for this individual is a terrific strategy to get a lot of things done. If you don't speak much, you're reminding him or her that you're in good standing and that they should feel safe approaching you.
9. "Is there anything more I can do for you?" I don't want you to feel as though you are a burden to me. "All I want is for you to find the serenity and healing that you deserve."
It's always a good idea to tell your loved ones that they are welcome to seek your assistance and are not burdening you in any manner. It will also provide them some comfort to know that you are thinking about their well-being and recuperation.
When it is a stranger or a friend
The ability to navigate a challenging discussion with a stranger or acquaintance may be a peculiar gift. Essentially, it has the potential to make or ruin your relationship in the future.
10. "I hope this doesn't come off as too forceful, but I've been thinking about you." "I hope you're doing well."
Recognizing that you may be too optimistic in your well-wishes is vital in certain instances. You want the individual you're speaking with to feel at ease and open to what you're going to say, rather than caught off guard.
11. "I've been thinking about you and what you're going through." 11. If you ever need someone to speak to, I'm here."
You probably have a good view of a lot of folks you don't see very often - whether at work, the gym, your neighbourhood, or anyplace else. These folks are likely to have the same favourable impression of you.
Sometimes it just takes a modest act like this to open the door to long-lasting friendship and support.
12. "I've been thinking about your predicament. Please don't be shy about letting me know if there's anything I can do for you. I'd be delighted to assist."
Telling someone you've been thinking about them and that they shouldn't feel strange coming to you is vital to express, and you shouldn't feel strange saying it. People don't always realise how much help is available.
13. "I realise we don't know one other well, but I really wish you find peace and healing."
If you don't anticipate you'll see the person you're conversing with very frequently, this is a decent alternative. It covers a lot of material and demonstrates that you're hope they recover, which is, of course, the ultimate aim.
As obscure as it may seem, you never know how much someone needs to hear something. Our words (and deeds) carry a lot of weight, sometimes more than we think. We can't always do it perfect, but we can surely give it our best shot. Telling someone you're praying for them should never make you feel embarrassed, humiliated, or strange.
I hope this helps you get through the time when you're trying to figure out what to say to that fellow.