Some days ago, there was a viral video on the internet about a girl who was taped ‘having sex’ * while on a trip to Dubai under the supervision of her school. It created a lot of opinions and of course almost everyone on the internet became either of the following: counselor, therapist, family advisor, the list endless. I didn’t get to see the video and I am glad I didn’t before the Lagos State Government issued a statement
As I thought about the whole incident, it dawned on me that we are having a crisis in our hands that is a function of our laxity when it comes to exposing kids to adult contents. Let me put in context, Nigeria is a very moralistic and religious country, perhaps more religious than moralistic and this is usually evident in the direction conversations turn towards, However, the incident seems to have drawn out the moral nature of Nigerians than the religious side and there seems to be a marketplace where blames are traded vis-a-vis who should take responsibility for the girl’s behavior.
Sadly, I have only read a few accounts where people called the boys or boy in the act out for the behaviour which is also a reflection of how the society expects that a female child is responsible for most if not all sexual issues that arise thereby painting the male child as one who is helpless in the face of a sexual drama- this indeed is the ordeal faced by rape survivors as they are heaped with the blame but that is a discussion for another day.
Why this article you may ask- Over the years, we have seen minors (minors here refer to anyone who is not recognised legally as an adult and in this case, less than 18) exhibiting acts that you would naturally expect to see from adults. We have also seen what I will call and increasing in programs and songs either with lewd lyrics or sexual appeals being made available to these minors and you would agree with me that the best way to learn is to watch and then practice. What I intend to show here is the reason why children seem to do better at things left for adults, sexual activities in particular.
The Copycat Effect
The copycat effect is the alleged tendency of sensational publicity about violent murders or suicides to result in more of the same through imitation. The term was first coined around 1916 due to the crimes that were inspired by Jack the Ripper. Although initially used in crime and murder cases, it has been adopted to include behaviors that aren’t criminal.
The copycat effect is also sometimes referred to as the “contagion effect,” “imitation,” “mimesis,” and “clusters” and generally refers to the “power of mass communication and culture to create an epidemic of similar behaviors.
Research has shown that this phenomenon is responsible for the way minors go all out to get involved in acts that are not expected given their age range. Let us see why it is so.
Children are better learners than adults because they don’t give up. They explore more than adults, this helps them learn better than grown-ups. When children attempt something new and get negative results, they go all out to see why and will continue until they get the result they expect-sometimes they go further by trying new ways.
Children have intense curiosity and drive to explore and this helps them learn so many different things and so quickly. This is not different from what the copycat effect is all about.
Let me break it down-when a ‘smart’ student tries to cheat in an examination hall by looking through the answer sheet of another student, such a student will rewrite certain things hence why sometimes the copycat performs better than the ‘copied’ fellow.
Two Cognitive Neuroscientists conducted a scientific experiment to test if young children’s drive to explore more than grown-ups influences the way they learn.
They gave 64 young children (ages four and five) and 87 adults a game where each placed different blocks on a machine with one rule: If the machine lights up, they get a prize consisting of a star, but if the machine doesn’t light up, they lose twice as much.
The goal of the game was to discover that all the blocks work except for the ones with white spots (in other words, the ones with black spots were fine).
Most of the children were able to figure out the rule correctly, whereas more than 70% adults couldn’t, but it came at a cost: The children earned fewer stars- this is to tell you that they were willing to sacrifice the stars just to get it right.
What does this tell you?
For every material or acts you expose your children to, the chances are that they go back to practice it and will continue until they get it. Watch how they dance to songs, pay attention to their makeups, how they dress etc.
Isn’t it obvious? Children are the purest human beings on the planet.
They have had less time to be conditioned by adults who themselves have been conditioned by other adults who have been conditioned… Ad infinitum.
Here are some points to note as you engage with children :
1. Children Don’t Make Assumptions
One of the biggest problems in human relationships that causes arguments is that we all tend to make false assumptions from time to time. You see I’m unemployed and assume I’m lazy. Alice sees a guy with lots of tattoos and thinks she knows why he got them and what type of person he is. When you tell a self-conscious girl she’s beautiful, she assumes you’re mocking her. Adults can take a face-value comment and twist it into something it is not and was never intended to be.
If I tell a little girl she’s beautiful, she’ll blush or twirl or something cute like that. And when children look at people, they see….people. They don’t try to define and label people they don’t know because they aren’t so well-acquainted with today’s stereotypes. In this way they are more mature than adults.
2. Children Live Fun, Simple Lives
When you grew up and saw how young and naive you were as a tot, did you also recognize what you lost? The life of a child is one of fewer responsibilities. When you have fewer responsibilities, what do you end up doing most of the time? You do the things you want to do. Children might have chores here and there, but they are generally provided for and can enjoy playing with other kids and pursuing what they want. That is, kids have fun for a living. They simply do what they want and when there is no adult guidance, they go to any length.
3. Children Embrace Imagination As Adults Pursue “Maturity”
While you are chasing maturity as an adult, children are chasing imagination. They imagine why you did or said what you said, why that guy was smoking in that video, what those words meant, what that sound represents, when they should do this and that etc.
Think about the power of imagination. Any situation can be turned into an adventure with adequate imagination.
It isn’t that children have more imagination than adults, it’s that they’re not yet embarrassed about it.
Conclusion
I know this has bee a long read so let me wrap up.
There is a need to be present in the lives of children as much as possible either as a parent or guardian. There is room for liberty but there should also be room for control.
Teach them to understand times and seasons
Throw away the urge to want to grant full access without control until they are able to take responsibility for their actions.
There are adult content out there(and even if not labeled as such, your conscience and brains know those things that are not fit for minors) and there are healthy children contents. Which would you rather choose?
The access to gadgets at a young age has been a debatable subject for a long time. While it may not be extremely out of order to grant access to gadgets, you must be able to put in some control measures in order to limit what can be downloaded in your absence.
Finally, we all have a role to play in raising the adults of the next generation. Don’t protect just your kids, protect all kids.
*-this is because I didn’t see the video and given the debate on social media as to if it were rape or consensual sex, I cannot determine. One sure thing is that they are minors who cannot give consent.
The impressionability of children does not necessarily replace their lack of a subconscious filter, in my opinion.